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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22900921">Do girls dream of cloned sheep?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RicartElit/pseuds/RicartElit'>RicartElit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>CrossCode (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Endgame, Gen, I have no idea what possessed me to make this, Introspection, Spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:40:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,094</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22900921</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RicartElit/pseuds/RicartElit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end of if all maybe Lea is much more than Shizuka, through her grief veiled view, had seen before.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lea (CrossCode) &amp; Shizuka Sakai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The walk to the end</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't tend to write, so I honestly have no clue what led me to do this. I'm not even much more than mediocre, but I just felt the need to get this into text and share it. So... here you have it, I guess. Hope you enjoy!</p><p>This fic was beta-ed by https://archiveofourown.org/users/Len923<br/>Thank you so very much for taking your time to help me.</p><p>Most of the dialogue is canon, so I do not claim to have written it. Though I have adapted a few phrases to flow better in this form.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Talk... What a ridiculous proposition... We turn to leave the house, so my br-the Evotar of my brother and Sergey can speak alone. I can’t help but think on the oddity of the situation. Making ‘peace’ with my clone. With the copy they made of me. The copy they pampered… While he died in this place…</p><p><br/>“Honestly, there is nothing interesting to see in this building. And anyway… I hate it in here. Let’s head outside.”</p><p><br/>I run ahead, not waiting to see if my copy, Lea, follows behind. She probably will. It is what I would have done. I would have wanted answers too…</p><p><br/>I don’t have to turn around to confirm my assumption. Her footsteps are loud enough to do so. This área is too cramped for any meaningful conversation, not that I believe that we’ll have one either way.</p><p><br/>“This whole area is just so terribly delimited… no way to move around.” I pause for a second, but it doesn’t seem like she has anything to say about it. (Would she if she could speak more?) “Still, there is a little spot at the lake over there. Let’s go there.”</p><p><br/>A nod is the only answer I get before we run towards the little haven. My own personal little place in the midst of all this… (Why am I even bringing her attention to it?)</p><p><br/>“This spot is pretty nice, isn’t it?” Another nodded answer. “Certainly better than anything you’d find in Vermillion Wasteland.” That hellhole… “Let’s sit down for a bit.” Watching the lake always did wonders for my mood… Except when he…</p><p><br/>As we sit in silence I come to a realization. I don’t actually know what she can say. This idea of a talk sounds more and more impossible…</p><p><br/>“So what words can you say exactly?”</p><p><br/>“Hi. Bye. Lea.” So restricted… “How. Why.” She seems dejected about it. “Wait. Sorry…”</p><p><br/>“That’s it?” And once again, only a nod. “Must be bothersome.” I feel a hint of pity.</p><p><br/>If she is a copy of me though, I have got to mention it. “Also… still wearing these horns.”</p><p><br/>She seems disgusted. Huh. Such a familiar reaction. “So you hate them, too?” She slouches so visibly that the answer is obvious. I guess when speech is out of your capabilities you have to adapt…</p><p>“They’re the worst, aren’t they?” And a nod.</p><p><br/>“This all happened because of a stupid joke.” Brighter, happier days. “I often complained that horns don’t fit the spheromancer design at all. So of course, one day Sergey gifted them to me. Very funny.” She seems truly surprised. It’s quite a cute expression… “And then they’d always log into my account and equip them. Those idiots.” Such fond memories. Her opinion on the joke seems to mirror mine at the time. Her expressions are so honest… “And now you ended up with them. Sorry for that.”</p><p><br/>“Whyyyyy….” Finally using her few words, huh?</p><p><br/>“Don’t ask me, I didn’t do it.” She is pouting… Adorable. Seems like she will hold this grudge over them for a while.</p><p><br/>“Well, at least they left you the scar.” Le-the Evotar perks up at that. “Scars are badass.”</p><p><br/>And once again a nod… “Guess we both have the same taste. Makes sense.” A copy of you would obviously be the same as you.</p><p><br/>Except where we diverged… What she never had to experience… “But you’re lucky, you know that? You missed the worst stuff. You didn’t have to witness your brother dying in front of you.” Of course she didn’t… He is my brother, not hers. “And the futility of the whole situation…” The struggle that achieved nothing at all.</p><p><br/>“They just kept you in that room… all the time… Taking care of you…” Pampering her…</p><p><br/>“...Sorry.” Why is she even apologizing?!</p><p><br/>“Shut up!” I can’t help but scream. To be angry. “Don’t be sorry. Honestly, none of this is your fault.” She never even knew what was going on around her.</p><p><br/>The silence becomes more and more awkward the longer we sit there after my outburst.</p><p><br/>“If anything… I should apologize. For what I did to you…” For pushing my anger and grief onto your shoulders… “This whole situation… It’s been going on for so long already… I just don’t know what to do anymore… How much longer I can take this...”</p><p><br/>She moves closer to me and she... pats my back... Is she trying to comfort me?</p><p><br/>“Stop that…” She seems confused by the refusal. “How can you be like this, after all the things I did to you?” After all the abuse I put you through? “It’s too soon…”</p><p><br/>She goes back to where she was. Oddly, I miss the comfort… But what she did...</p><p><br/>“Getting all touchy like that… That is…” It is like a veil I didn’t know existed was lifted. I can feel the corners of my mouth rise to form a small smile. “Nothing like me…” Like a different person… Like… Lea.</p><p><br/>I was so focused on our similarities that I never noticed the differences. How much warmer she is, so to speak. How much freer she is with her affection. The comfort I seldom gave anyone but those closest to me… And even the existing similarities manifest in different ways. How fiercely she cares for those who she let into her heart but openly, instead of only being capable of being honest when it was already far too late… like me…</p><p><br/>In the end we sat at the lake for longer than I expected. Time seems to blur and I lose track of it. At some point she drifted back near me, her arm around my back. An odd comfort I never expected to receive from someone I once hurt so much…</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>This time, the silence was warm and soothing.</em>
</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>I rush to the tower, having managed to relocate safely, and a single thought loops through my mind. ‘I hope I’m not too late.’</p><p><br/>As I approach I see the flashes of light indicating that she is still fighting. Time to make my entrance! As a perfectly placed Crimson Strike punctuates my arrival, I look around and take stock of the situation. It seems I arrived right on time, the guards were beginning to overwhelm her… Thank goodness I got here…</p><p><br/>“So… It looks like you’re still at it.”</p><p><br/>Sergey seems surprised. Once he would not have been, but I guess times have changed.</p><p><br/>“Shizuka?! What are you doing here?”</p><p><br/>Isn’t it obvious? “I’m here to help.”</p><p><br/>“What about…” He can still worry about me at such a time.</p><p><br/>“Don’t worry about me, I already moved locations in advance. I will be fine.” I turn to Lea who had taken the short respite provided by my entrance to rest. </p><p><br/>“More importantly, it looks like you need a hand here, Lea?”</p><p><br/>“Hi!” Despite the inability to directly say so, her bright smile and cheery tone provide all the information I require.</p><p><br/>“Let’s show them what we can do!”</p><p><br/>The battle was exhilarating. Battling alongside another experienced spheromancer is a dream come true and one rather hard to achieve considering how few people actually play it so well. But most of all, battling alongside Lea is a whole greater experience. I finally see why so many were awed by my feats. Every movement, every art used. Beautiful. A truly dazzling display. I can’t help but grin widely as we tear apart Sidwell’s goons and finally, after Sergey finds a solution to the existing problem, crash the Evotar Server.</p><p><br/>Sidwell’s speech afterwards makes my blood boil. All of his abuse, all of his acts… All of the atrocities we became complicit to… The things we did to those like Lea…</p><p><br/>“We are creating Evotars to extract information. And once that is done, we just throw them away!” Like Lea was… “Kill them off!” Murdering them… “Evotars… they’re not just ‘some data’! They have memories. Personality. Emotions!” And with the potential to become so different from their origin… “We are killing digitized human beings, Sidwell! What kind of monsters do you think we are to go along with that?!”</p><p><br/>His indifference. His utter lack of care for the Evotars. His little play that what he is doing is the only way for them to exist… It infuriates me… How can he look at Lea and still be so unfeeling?!</p><p><br/>The scare with the Environment Server and Gautham’s intervention only makes me feel more tense and as I watch Lea cross the gate, her back vanishing into the instance portal, I can only hope she returns unharmed.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>After so much, could I bear to lose any more?</em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/>The moment she returns, I can’t help but let out a sigh of relief for her safety. And yet, the expression of dread and despondence on her face is enough of a tell that something went wrong.</p><p><br/>The Evotars are safe… But Gautham’s suicide weighs heavier than anything else. The pressure of every act on his shoulders… Every moment he spent in his god figure, while at the same time preparing the interrogations so I wouldn’t have to do any of it… I can’t believe I didn’t see how close he was to shattering. Another hole in my heart when the void is already so large…</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>In the end, will I crack just as he did?</em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>We have reached the end of her quest. Of her adventure in living outside Sidwell’s constraints.</p><p><br/>As she says her goodbyes I can feel a heat gathering behind my eyes. Sergey is doing his best, but we might never get to see her again. This could be the end of her and all other Evotars purely because the corporation could refuse to support this endeavor. I might never see her again after this… The thought is oddly heartbreaking, despite all the problems we had in the past.</p><p><br/>As she turns towards me I can guess what she is going to do, and I can’t help but put up some token resistance.</p><p><br/>“No wait… This is awkward.” Is all I can get out before she tackles me in a hug.</p><p><br/>“Bye!!” </p><p><br/>Her tears break the last of my resolve and I can feel a few slip from my own eyes as I enjoyed the warmth of a hug I did not know I needed.</p><p><br/>“Goodbye, Lea.”</p><p><br/>As we separate I can’t help but once again comment on our differences.</p><p><br/>“Seriously… just how touchy can you get?”</p><p><br/>In the end she turns around, composes herself and utters one last cheerful goodbye.</p><p><br/>Hope settles in my chest for the first time in a while. Hope that everything might go well. That our efforts were not in vain and Lea will return to us. To me. But hope always carries with it the dread of failure, and I can’t help but fear the worst. And thus I settle myself and live the days after in a blur as I await any news.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Are heroes rewarded or punished in this world?</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Ending A: The Endless Abyss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sometimes the heroes never arrive. Sometimes good does not triumph. The world is not kind to everyone.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning for suicide.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The news arrived months later. I decided not to listen along with the rest. I’m not part of their group, and after all I’ve done, I do not think I have the right to be amongst them.</p><p><br/>
Sergey has notified me to wait in the Hideout. Where Satoshi… What a place to receive these news.</p><p><br/>
I keep fidgeting, unsure and nervous of what might be coming. I bet if anyone could see me right now I would be visibly emanating tension…</p><p><br/>
When the display finally lights up and Sergey appears on screen my heart drops. To many he might just appear to be serious, as he often is when dealing with matters of importance, but I have known him for many years. I can see the lines of tension in his eyes. The nearly invisible downturn in his lips. The way he tries to avoid eye contact at first…</p><p><br/>
Despite it all I force myself to hope. I cling onto the last shred of it and pray that the years might have made it so I can’t read him as well.</p><p><br/>
“So… How did it go? Are they back?”</p><p><br/>
He opens his mouth to speak and closes it again. That should be confirmation enough, but I still foolishly press on.</p><p><br/>
“Are they?”</p><p><br/>
When he finally speaks the hope is replaced fully by grief.</p><p><br/>
“I’m sorry, Shizuka. The board did not agree to support the Evotar project. Evotars have been banned and all their data deleted. There was nothing I could do. I could not get enough support.”</p><p><br/>
“No…” Is all I can’t get out before I feel myself choking on my words, the heat and pressure behind my eyes shattering whatever composure I had as tears fall freely and a wail rips its way out of my throat.</p><p><br/>
After everything that had happened. After all the hardships we went through. After all the pain and sacrifices… We achieved nothing. They’re gone. Dead. Deletion is as good as death to an Evotar. Permanent death, no possibility of bringing them back.</p><p><br/>
The empty void in my chest widens uncontrollably while I sit, collapsed, on the floor crying more than I think I have ever cried in my life. The grief quickly turns into despair as I realize I am alone. Sergey might be here, but I haven’t interacted with him as a friend in years. Gautham is gone, swallowed by his own despair. Satoshi is gone, even the final remains of his existence snuffed when Instatainment deleted the Evotars. A special grief I didn’t believe I could feel for a second time fuels my despair even further.</p><p><br/>
And Lea… Innocent Lea. Brought into this world as an experiment. A test. The one who worked so hard to right the wrongs we committed. The one who in such a small time developed such tight bonds with people. The one who brought me comfort when I was swallowed by my own grief. Lea whose heroic deeds were rewarded with death…</p><p><br/>
I ran out of the hideout, unheeding of Sergey’s calls for me to calm down. I dashed towards the lake. The place where I finally realized how human she was… I looked at the water and saw my reflection. And felt nothing. I logged out.</p><p><br/>
<em>Will the good always pay for the deeds of the evil?</em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
I look down at the darkness in front of me. A view so pitch black that the bottom can’t be seen. The floor cracks at every slight movement of my feet.</p><p><br/>
As I stare down into the Abyss I can’t help but wonder. I can’t help but ask myself if this is how he felt. If this is what drove him to do it. I think I can finally understand him once again.</p><p><br/>
I take a final step into the dark and my mind wanders towards what could have been. In a fairer world. In a world that did not consume the innocent to feed the greedy. In a world where she was still around to provide me with the warmth I did not know I needed.</p><p><br/>
The ground rushed towards me and soon I could feel pain no longer.</p><p><br/>
<em>Must the good always die young?</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Ending B: A Brighter Future</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And sometimes the world smiles upon us and gives us the hope necessary to walk ever onwards towards our future.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The news arrived months later. Despite all my objections against it, Sergey convinced (or forced) me to join the First Scholars in receiving them.</p>
<p><br/>I sat on one of the chairs furthest from the projector and waited, idly fidgeting while everyone else chatted. The hope in them was palpable. They could still be so optimistic… Hlin even approached me at one point, probably having noticed my restlessness, and asked if I wanted anything. They are so kind. No wonder Lea grew fond of them.</p>
<p><br/>Lea’s french friend, Emilie if I’m remembering correctly, comes rushing through the door and sits down alongside everyone else. It shouldn’t be much longer now so she arrived right on time.<br/>The projector light ups, interrupting my musings.</p>
<p><br/>“Hello, everyone.”</p>
<p><br/>As everyone greets each other my eyes lock onto Sergey’s face. It has been many years since we’ve regularly spoken but I’m confident I can still read his emotions past the initial stoic looking face. My heart soars and hope quickly grows in my chest as I see his slightly upturned lips and the slight wrinkling of his eyes. I try to calm down, fully aware that I might be misreading him due to how long it has been, but this lightness refuses to leave now that it has settled within me.</p>
<p><br/>“It is good to see you again. It has been quite some time…”</p>
<p><br/>Emilie quickly interjects, asking the question we have all been waiting for.</p>
<p><br/>“Let’s cut to the chase! What about Lea?”</p>
<p><br/>Sergey smiles and I become unable to deny the happiness within me.</p>
<p><br/>“Well… I have great news to share! Instatainment agreed on a research project within the Playground!” Sergey’s own visible happiness is contagious. “We will be able to get Evotars back in the game in a few months.”</p>
<p><br/>Lea’s friend quickly stands up.</p>
<p><br/>“Do-does this mean…?”</p>
<p><br/>“Yes, Lea will return!”</p>
<p><br/>This final proclamation drives all of the tension out from within my body. As Emilie cheers on top of the table, I think back on everything that has happened. All of the pain. All of the despair. All of the grief… The lives lost… They will never return. But maybe we can heal. Maybe the future holds something for us other than dread. Maybe I can finally look forward to what will come instead of wishing for what is gone.</p>
<p><br/>The Evotars. All of the people hurt because of what we created. Because of what we did. They will have a chance to live just like anyone else. And Satoshi will return. Maybe he is not exactly Satoshi, my big brother, but nothing stops me from considering him Satoshi, my new little brother… The thought brings me greater amusement than I thought. And finally Lea. Sweet, fierce, strong Lea. She who fought so hard to achieve all this. She who brought us all to this wonderful future. She whose warmth brought back the hope I had thought lost so long ago.</p>
<p><br/>A wide smile makes its way onto my face and I look forward to the future.</p>
<p><br/>If months later, when we are all again reunited, Lea once again tackle-hugs me and I hold on a bit longer than expected, basking in her energy, cheer and comfort, before finally pulling back, well… no one would notice anyways.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <em>The bleakness of the future is not certain. The light is always right beneath the horizon.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alternate titles thought up for this fic:<br/>‘Dreams of a lost girl’<br/>‘The fate of our heroes’<br/>‘To discover humanity’<br/>‘Do Shizukas dream of smiling Leas?’</p></blockquote></div></div>
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